A call to Yuval
(Yossi)
Our Yuvali, can you hear us?
You were abruptly taken away
from us a week ago, without being able to say goodbye.
You, a shimmering star, will now exist in a different time and
space, together with all the other stars. Every evening for
the rest of our lacking lives, we’ll be looking up at
your joyful twinkling glow, the same joyful glow that that has
been radiating from you for the last 13 years with us.
Yuvali, I want you to know
that the world has become a terrible place to live in. Our sense
of security has been forsaken. Not at the borders but right
here, near your loved and loving home.
When you turn to the government
for protection, you find nothing but incompetence and disregard.
When you turn to the local authorities, you find them evading
their responsibilities.
When you turn to the religious leaders, you find that they are
out of touch with our harsh reality.
When you turn to the media, you find them either avid for scoops
and sensations or alienated and indifferent to our pain.
The ministry of education should have demanded a change in national
priorities long ago.
Dearest Yuvi, what can we do?
Should we allow your death
to become a transient media event?
Would we want to see how your destruction, along with other
sixteen pure souls, would no longer be part of the public agenda?
Will we obtusely await the next massacre?
Yuvi, our glistening star – you were torn away from us
by a heartless beast, but you are with us all the time.
Your wisdom, vitality and sense of justice will never leave
us.
We choose Life, for that was the heritage you bequeathed.
We must demand that others
who have power and budgets will choose life over procrastination
and apathy. We must insist upon our demands and never yield,
until a time will come when every person in Israel will be able
to reach his destination safely.
Security guards, dogs and fences are all about rearranging national
priorities.
Dear Yuvali – it’s not about politics or ideologies;
it’s about choosing Life.
Dear children, I pray that
Yuval’s sacrifice, our sacrifice will be the last.
They tell us: “It wouldn’t help. No one will rise
against this”.
They discourage us: “You’re nothing but a cannon-fodder”.
But we swear to you Yuvi; we will not rest and do everything
in our power to make you the last victim. We’ll love you
forever, our glittering star.
Yuval and I loved spending time together
(Hagit)
Yuval and I loved spending
time together.
You may say we were within
each other's skin. Every night, before we went to bed we followed
our usual ritual: we hear music together in the Walkman, an
earphone for him and an earphone for me. It was so important
for him to share his music with me. When we would read stories
together Yuval didn't want me to miss a single thing. If it
weren’t for him, I wouldn't have gone to films such as
'The Gladiator' or 'Lord of the Rings'. He wanted us to share
experiences. All his dreams and ambitions have passed through
me. He knew he was meant to accomplish great things. He was
so confident of himself, and dreamed of becoming a renowned
architect. He would even be ready to drive, if given the wheels..
Yuval loved singing, and would take off the Internet the lyrics
of all the songs he liked. He used to fill me in on the latest
musical craze, or T.V. commercial and even made up catchy slogans
by himself. Yuval wanted to be near me more and more, and sometimes
he didn't want to hang up the phone, just to keep us connected.
Our mutual plans were that
as of July 2003, I would work less so we could spend more time
with one another.
One day his teacher told us
that Yuval is easily offended; that is because he was so sensitive.
He kept worrying about us being so worried about him. That's
why his two last phone calls were to his mum and dad.
Yuval, you had such a calming
smile that says: "I'll manage".
But we, the adults, have forsaken your safety.
We had expected great things
from you, yet we neglected to protect you from the small things,
like going to school and coming back home.
We simply forgot or to be exact,
repressed what was going on here.
And now Yuval won't grow up.
You'll forever remain mummy's
little boy and I shall forever remain torn, my anguished outcry
choking me from within.
Yuvi, I miss you so much. You
are singing in my head. Always.
32 days and nights and one hour
(Yossi)
32 days and nights and one
hour. Altogether, 769 hours without you Yuvi.
Every single second of it is
so hard.
They told us: "You will suffer" yet what we had to
bear is just the beginning of it.
They warned us: "You haven't even begun to comprehend what
has happened to you"
And indeed, haven't realized the extent of the black empty whole
that had been formed in our minds.
Yuvi, how hard it is to go on without you! How much is you vital
spirit missed!
The music, the playfulness, the jokes and all those friends
who filled your loving, beloved home.
Cruel, despicable, vicious,
cowardly hands have severed the song of your young life,
so randomly and so purposelessly. You got up and went to school
and at 14:12 you were lying dead. Murdered. How chronically
mundane! What endless grief!
When a man dies and all his life systems fail. What happens
to his feelings, thoughts, opinions and loves? Is it all nothing
but molecular chemistry? It is unthinkable that your last words
"I love you, dad" will not be fully assimilate as
your ultimate heritage.
What is your heritage, Yuval?
You were a good friend to the people around you.
You were thoughtful and sensitive to the needs of your fellow
man.
You were brave,
You were strong,
You were.
And will be in our hearts forever.
My Yuval
(Omri)
I’m really
trying not to cry so much. Whenever you used to cry, I would
lecture you about how crying is for girls and that you should
stop being so sensitive about everything. Then you would stop
crying for a moment, and make a sincere effort to suck it all
up and look very serious and mature, only to burst right back
into tears...
Now, as I can't get your smiling
face out of my mind, my own composure seems to crack and I let
all the tears out.
I was away from home before.
My life is in Tel Aviv and yours is in Haifa. At times, I didn't
get to see you for a month or more, but every time I came home,
you stormed in to give me a first-class-suffocating-bear-hug
like the one I taught you to give the people you've missed.
Every time that happened I realized how much I've missed you
and how I must come home more often to spend more time with
you.
In my head, I still have this
swarming hallucination about how you must've gone out camping
with your friends and that I'll probably see you next time.
Then, I bounce back to reality, still having difficulty comprehending
the fact that you won't ever hug me when I come home.
A Private Eulogy
(Dana)
Since
I have been your English tutor for the last two years, it only
seems appropriate to write you a letter this way. You were my
protégé. A curious eager little boy, who behaved
like an adult with great desire to know everything; Probably
taking after your mother’s grace and your father’s
wisdom.
I would never forget that stormy afternoon, when you insisted
on walking me to my car, holding the umbrella over my head (which
was a bit taller than yours) so I wouldn’t get wet; Always
the perfect little gentleman.
You were so easy to love and
that’s why you’ll be impossible to forget!
I am overwhelmed by the enormous
amount of pain one evil individual can cause, and even though
I’m just your tutor, my aching heart never stops pounding
inside my consciousness, continually repeating this inconceivable
message – YOU ARE GONE!!
I still can’t accept the fact I will never see you grow
up.
Beloved Yuvi: I will forever
miss you and cherish our time together in my heart. If I’ll
have children one day, I know I would want them to be just like
you but I’m sure I will never be blessed that way - for
you were one of a kind; a precious jewel that was brutally taken
away from his makers.
I have but one request –
Send your parents the strength to survive their grief so that
they would be able to find this world still meaningful despite
your absence.
With all my love, Dana.
Once I dusted the Stars
(Julious Levin)
Once,
I dusted stars and shone the moon
and strung the sun to dry his tears.
Once, I caged his nightmares and cottonwooled his fears.
Once, he played in morning
light that moved the earth beneath
as I watched and moved to guard him
from fears fathers can’t reach.
Once, I wanted all the world,
the moon, and stars and sun
to play in morning light with him
Safe and forever young.
But once are wants that finally
end, my wanting days are done.
Now You must dust the moon and stars
And take care of the sun
And take care of my son, watch
him in my place.
Let him play in morning light
In another time and space.
The first thing that disappears is the voice (Omri)
I’m sitting on your grave
trying to imagine a conversation
A bit of quality time between two brothers
Just some gossiping not much more,
To hear a little of the recent events up above
How does it really look down here from up there?
But I keep on crashing into an imaginary wall
Trying to dig into the depth of my thought
Eliciting that certain sentence in your special tone.
An encouraging one, that will love and hug.
But my will, will ever be lost in chaos
Will you hear my voice? Because
I cant hear yours.
Lost Moments
(Omri)
And
some times what had been no longer exists
And some times the man that had been will not return
Only a picture stays glitter in the heart
Lost moment of a disappearing
past
Trying to fight the everyday hardship
Trying to penetrate into the horrible consciousness
Asking what will be after all that had been
Only forlorn moments of a vanishing
entity
Like a delusion, into a threatening reality
No more laughter, no more tears
Nothing left but shock
A soul was taken in those
damned rainy days
A child’s life rustle had been cut off
Faint memories are trying to compensate
For an increasing emptiness
And nothing will bring back the voice.
The touch is lost, and will never return
Only a smiling picture that still glitters.
And I’m all alone again,
thinking about him
Of the conversations we had, the games that we played
On fights and merry times and of the stuff we loved
Slowly surrendering to the abrasive routine
From Asaf's father to Yuval
(Yossi)
I never knew you, Yuval, but I know so
much about you.
You didn't our Asafi, and our Asafi didn't know you, you were
both sitting on the same bus. You sat one bench ahead of Asaf
and you were both caught in the inferno.
I sometimes wonder what friends does Asaf have now, and of all
the stories I've heard you two are probably having a great time
up in Heaven.
During the months that have passed since that cursed day, we
got to know your parents, who are doing all they possibly can
to remember, remind and talk about you; out of endless love,
out of deep and unbearable longing. Only we understand each
other, the emptiness and this horrible lack.
I wrote the following poem in the
hope that people who read it in you memorial site might understand
more:
On mount Carmel, on the street
of Moriah
The slaughtering knife did not cease
An angel did not appear to call: halt!
There was no God with them in the inferno.
A stag was not caught by its
horns
The boy was not saved from sacrifice
But one boy did not suffice the Devil
As he took another 17 souls with him
One fine spring day on March
The cloudless azure sky above
Pupils returning to their homes
People returning from a day's labour
There's a boy talking to his
father,
A girl gazing at the passing view
There's a girl thinking, planning, drawing
A boy who dreams of surfing at the open sea
One fine spring day on March
The cloudless azure sky above
The big light turned to darkness upon abyss
How can people turn to ashes in just one moment?
And only the memory and the
longing remain sparkling in the dark
Blowing as a candle in the wind
If we won't nourish his memory with our love
Both the boy and the soul will perish
Yossi, Asaf's father,
November 2003
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